Grieving an Idea
The well of grief
Those who will not slip beneath
the still surface on the well of grief,
turning down through its black water
to the place we cannot breathe,
will never know the source from which we drink,
the secret water, cold and clear,
nor find in the darkness glimmering,
the small round coins,
thrown by those who wished for something else. David Whyte, Poet
I have grieved a lot this week. Ideas I once held dear have died. From this experience I’ve come to realize that all grief is the death of a mental construct (idea) which blows open my heart. Nothing in form lasts. You know this and I know this. And yet my mind holds on to ideas as though they are untouchable or somehow don’t abide by all principles of form; they will change and die. Form changes. Everything alive in form changes. This includes people, systems, structures, the earth, the body and ideas.
I have been grieving my trained and hardened ideas about the presidency and our country. My expectations aren’t holding. This has to be okay for me as it is what is. This past week I went to small claims court and lost. I am grieving my idea of fairness, right action, and an unbiased judicial system. As you can tell from this statement I perceived I was in the right. The judge thought otherwise. And, I am grieving my health. I have been having some intestinal pain.
Last week, to quote David Whyte, through my grief, through the singeing, I got to know the source from which I drink — the secret water. I got beneath the ideas and felt into my heart and accessed the realm of Beingness. I could label this grief, or I could label this “on the way to surrender.” Whatever it is, I sit in the energy of the primordial space before form.
Along with the grief is the emergence within me — the desire to serve humanity as a healer. As I listened this week to a spiritual teacher she said that you are born a natural healer if you are empathic (check), sensitive (check) and…get this one…have intestinal issues (check, check, check). She went on to say these are symptoms of unrealized healer energy. I became strengthened as I shifted my thinking from one of “sickness” to one of “unpotentialized energy wanting to take form.” Within the mental switch my pain dissipated.
I am embracing the power of what we call grief as part of the natural process of being alive. I am learning to ride the wave more than expect the particle to be solid and remain as such. I love being alive and I will embrace all aspects of transformation in order to be of service and have the privileges that come with it.
From my heart to yours,
